Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
