He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
