tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize