I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
