guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
