Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
