She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
