i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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