STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
