just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
