They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
