There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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