don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
