as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
