areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
