I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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