Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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