So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
