i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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