He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
