I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
