i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
