you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
