I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
