I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
