walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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