Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
