My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
