She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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