6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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