We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize