He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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