I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
