Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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