The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
