Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I party with great urgency now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
