..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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