I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
