took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
