dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I need moral support for this bender
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
