My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
