It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
