this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
