do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
