Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
