Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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