i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
