Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
