Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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