shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
