he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize