i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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