Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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