can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
