She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
organizing the empties. That sober.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
