did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My ATM looks so different sober.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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