you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
