thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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