so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
