Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize