is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
