the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
