Will you blow on my dice?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
