PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
