If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
