I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
