I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
