That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
