it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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