so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
