I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
