some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
