I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize