i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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