Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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