So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
