Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
