Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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