do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize