I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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